Today, a Twentyone

Today is a twentyfirst. Specifically, it is August 21st. A special day because today is my mother's birthday.

However, there is another "special" thing about this day. Get your pen and paper, we'll do some math.

Exactly three years ago today, someone reconfirmed to me that she really loved me. Why reconfirm? Because two years and three months ago from that day, when it was the week before I entered the seminary, someone said that she really loved me. Of course, that changes things doesn' t it? But little did I know that I was on for a rollercoaster ride. Her decision whether she really loved me or not changes weekly like clockwork. So every week of my whole seminary life, I have to sneek out a phone call just to know whether she loved me that week or not.

Going back, so three years ago from today, she finally admitted that she really loved me all that time, but it wasn't really finalized. It was just a "mutual" thing, no commitments whatsoever. But in my opinion we were already a couple by that time because we do everything what couples do, the only thing lacking in that kind of set-up is only the "formality" of us being a couple.

The formality would only come 8 months after that day (Are you still with me? Good.). It was an April, a day after my birthday. We were officially a "we." Since that was the "official" day, we were supposed to celebrate our 2nd year and 4th month today. But if we are to count the "real" day she professed her love to me, today would have been our third year together.

But we have splitted up two weeks before. We were 18 days short to complete either a 2 years and 4th months or a 3 solid years.

Why am I counting? Because I'm hurt. I thought we would end up together and spend our lives growing old together. I was counting on that. But now, I only have these numbers to count.

And now, I am tasked with a new painful thing to count. To count the days up to the time I'm completely over her.