I Don't Want You to Go

It has been a month and a half now since Tieza and I splitted up. People saw how I struggled and saw how I "improved" from day one. Maybe I did improve. I carried on with my day-to-day affairs. Surviving barely, but I take it as a win nonetheless. I even resumed my "responsibilities" before as a person who listens to the problems of others, knowing that I'm a bit more mature from the pains I had suffered just a while back. Maybe I was improving. Maybe I'm really getting over her.

Maybe I was wrong.

Yesterday, for the first time ever since the break-up, I cried. I cried about what happened about us, how I missed her, how I wished the break-up never took place, how "useless" the break-up was,how much I love her. I realized I never cried about the break-up before, I tried to and I never fought it, but it just won't let go. But yesterday, I did cry for the first time.

And she was in front of me when I cried.

I have cried in front of her many times during our relationship. Too many to mention, in fact. I can even say she's tired of seeing me cry and whine. I don't know what she's thinking while I was crying in front of her. She has seen me cry a million times, maybe this thing is no different.

There is someone now who is courting her. And as I can see, it'd obvious she is reciprocating back. I know now the feeling of seeing the one you love the most flirting back with another guy not you. I looked at his messages in her celphone and it was full of "i love yous" and stuff.
Finally, she even admitted to me that, she might even had feelings for him, but as of this time she is still confused what.

I feel that I am like an egg-timer, that my sand is nearing to end. I don't like this feeling, the feeling of losing the one you love. I am still at this stage where I am hoping that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll just realize that this was all a bad dream. Or better yet, not to wake up at all.

I dont want you to go Tieza. I really don't want to.

****




You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
(J. Lennon- P. McCartney)
The Beatles

Here I stand with head in hand
I turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feeling two foot small

Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
I can hear them laugh at me
And then I hear them say

Hey, you've got to hide your love away!
Hey, you've got to hide your love away!

How can I even try?
I can never win
Seeing them, hearing them
In the state I'm in

How could she say to me
"Love will find a way"?
So gather 'round all you clowns
Let me hear you say

Hey, you've got to hide your love away!
Hey, you've got to hide your love away!