Showdown

It was a showdown of sorts last weekend when police used water cannons to a rally which was composed of bishops, priests, nuns and some prominent political figures.

The rallyists, of course, denounced it and are even willing to make a complaint on the United Nations Human Rights Commission. They branded it as an act of "brute force" that curtails the freedom of expression and even went as far as oppressing the freedom to religion, since they say that it was a "religious assembly of prayers and procession." They said that they have the proper permit to demonstrate and these acts were desperate tactics to keep GMA in power.





On the other side of the fence, Malacanang insisted that what happened was not out of bounds since some of the rallyists broke from the line and went towards Mendiola, where they were not given permission. The police ground commander at that time said that is is a judgement call and that's why they resorted to the water cannons to enforce the law, as what was the instruction on President Arroyo's CPR (calibrated preemptive response).

I feel that what happened this weekend will lead to something bigger. Especially when it was just a week ago that rumors about GMA's plan of a martial law is on the spin.

Again, this will divide an already torned-out nation. Of course the rallyists will have the upper hand on this because the rallyists were composed of religious figures and members of the highest quadrants of the Roman Catholic Church in the Philippines. Also, a TV shot of a former Vice-President who is well known for his integrity all soaked up is not really a sight to see. As of late one of the bishops who were cannoned, Novaliches Bishop Antonio Tobias, said that this time it is "the Holy Spirit vs. President Arroyo."

On the other hand, Press Secretary Ignacio Bunye said that "It is high time we put sense and order in our society." The Police also said that what they did was right because the protesters clearly did not follow what was agreed upon especially when a splinter group broke away towards Mendiola.

Personally, I am tired of mass actions. I've been one and during the early part of my college years, I've been a regular attendee. The thing is, the only thing applausable to it that I have observed were the participants' zeal and passion about what they are fighting for and what they believe in. However, is rallying still effective?

It did before. People Power one and two were the children of mass demonstrations. Those were the times that the clear majority believed in one thing and with one voice, they shooed away the present tenant of Malacanang that time.

The thing is two people powers were equivalent to two chances spoiled by this country. We were lucky even to get a second chance. But nonetheless, we spoiled it.

But is it different this time? I tend to agree. Mass demonstrations hurt our country more than it could help it. Mass actions, which were intended to clean out the system, has been corrupted in itself. I pity the zealed people who goes out to the streets for their belief, but the thing is they are not aware, or is it their being naive?, that they are being used by outmoded politicians or losing candidates to get back in power.

I know that we Filipinos are intelligent. We know that there are other ways to change the system than going to the streets. We should not remain stagnant. We go rallying under the heat of the sun, but the people who we are rallying against are in the comforts of their air conditioned office. Clearly, no messages were transmitted nor understood.

Amado Gat. Inciong, who also spoke at the gathering that was hosed down, said that at present rallies may no longer be effective as means of seeking government redress of grievances. "If you still think that rallies are effective ways of registering protest, forget it," he said.

"So where else should we be headed for?" he added.

Then let the debates about this begin.

Oh (Pinoy Big) Brother !

I was been on forced hiatus for nearly two months now. "Forced", you ask? This is because my previous web host disappeared without a trace, taking all the pictures and templates with it. Looking for a free webhost without ads and other attached dubious terms and conditions are hard to find nowadays.

Luckily, I have found another web host. But it has a thing attached to it. Everytime you go to this site, a website with advertisements pops out as well. This is better than a big banner ad on the top of the page which destroys the look of your site.

Apologies for the meantime if that pop-out website annoys you. Lesson learned: There is nothing such as a free lunch. You want to have a site on the net? Then you have to pay it. I am now saving money to buy my own webspace and buy my own domain name. Hopefully, I could establish a www.projectmarooned.com. Ha! If wishing could make me so.

**********

Everyone in my family is hooked into watching Pinoy Big Brother. Even my father, who is the type who doesn't watch programs with Filipino as the vernacular, is suprisingly addicted to it. I caught my father so many times in the living room, staring blankly at the television set and watching scenes unfold on that program.

I don't have the right to comment anything on the program, mainly because, I don't have the luxury to watch it. My work begins at 10:00 pm, and I have to leave the house by 8:00pm or surely will be late. I never watched any episodes and the only thing I know about it is one of the contestants was a FHM cover girl.

Don't get me wrong, I know how Big Brother, per se, operates. I am familiar with how it works... but that is the Big Brother in U.K. Now, a Filipino Big Brother? And ABS-CBN calling the shots? Then that will surely be different.

Anyway, one thing for sure, Filipinos are hooked into it. Everyone is thrilled about it (well, of course, except GMA 7 and their teleserye that coincides with it, I gather that the PBB ratings are eating them alive).

Pinoy Big Brother is everywhere. On TV, on magazines, even the neighborhood manangs now gossip about them instead of gossiping about their usual neighborhood targets. Everywhere I go, I always here the Pinoy Big Brother theme by the band Orange and Lemons. I wont be surprised if I hear a disco remix of it.

Now, everyone is into it except me, mainly because of my ignorance about it. Now can anyone tell me what's going on?!

The Truth

"Col. Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I think I'm entitled.
Col. Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth.
Col. Jessep: You can't handle the truth."

- From the movie, "A Few Good Men"

A few days ago, I had a revelation. A revelation that I wished I haven't heard. A revelation that I wished never came to be.

I have learned that my greatest nightmare already happened. The thing that I pray to God to never happen in my whole life just happened. What is bad about it is that it already happened for many months before I got to know it.

Having your nightmare happen is a very terrible thing. But I just learned what's more terrible than to have your nightmare come true: it is to live your life inside that nightmare from now on .

They said that the truth is beautiful. The kind of truth that was revealed to me was disgusting and loathful.

Everyday when I wake up, the first thing I always feel is my heart throbbing in pain. I just wish what I felt was just physical pain, that I am sick with some fatal heart disease and die immediately. But fate is too cruel, what I feel is not my body failing, but of anguish, pain and 13 other kinds of evil.

As everyday passes, I am writhing in agony. So far, this is the worst point of my life. I came to experience many tragedies before, but so far, this is the worst. What's worse is, I know that this agony of mine wouldn't end tommorrow, or next month, or maybe a year even.

I cannot tell anyone about it. How much I would like to release this demon inside me, but I know I have to keep it to myself.

I am living my life now as a martyr. So that another person could be in heaven right now and enjoy life and indulge with a robber's feast, I have to sacrifice and live my life in hell. Is it a fair trade? Of course not! But there are reasons that I have to do this. Reasons even that other person I made the trade with won't understand. Are you happy seeing me in pain? Are you happy it's me wriggling like a worm and not you? I am but human and I make mistakes, but is this the way what you want me to suffer?

The truth lied. The truth never set me free. The truth with all its agony will kill me eventually. Only time will tell.

Rollercoaster

Insanity is like having a roller coaster ride.

You scream your lungs out, you curse your friend who convinced you to take the ride, go vertigous when the roller coaster swirls and twirls on the tracks, and some of the time, vomit everything that you ate on the floor. You swear that you'll never ride that machine from hell ever again. However once the ride stops, you immediately line-up on the long queue again wanting to have that roller coaster ride one more time.

It seemed I never learned my lesson.

After having the hardest time of my life happening after my previous relationship failed, here I am again feeling that I am holding tickets for my next roller coaster ride. Yes, it has been a year and is obviously time to move on, but after all the pain and anguish, am I really ready to move on and start the next chapter?

I am afraid to make the same mistakes again and I'll do anything to spare me from feeling all that pain all over again. But it seemed my feelings rebelled on me, even if my mind says that it's best to stay where I am right now. My feelings are like on auto-pilot right now.

I am afraid because I am feeling the first stages of falling in love. I love this feeling. I feel like a teen-ager again. I am feeling cliches. Do you remember the feeling that "your heart skips a beat?" I am afraid that I am feeling that all over again.

But I should be wiser now. I experienced that after four years of feeling that way comes a hurtful moment you wouldn't forget. Is it a fair trade?

One thing is for sure however, I am now holding the tickets for another potential roller coaster ride.

And only fools rush in.

Giving the world a "fuck you" sign

Looking where I am today, I realize that this is a far cry where I expected myself to be years ago. I don't want where I am and I don't know how I got here. Everything seemed so fast, like a car accident, I never knew what hit me.

I feel like I am living in a cage. Everywhere I look, I see a dead end sign. I didn't know what to do, so I just let myself drift by, seeing where the tide would bring me.

However, the tide did not bring me anywhere. I just stayed where I was. I was frozen, in suspended animation. I always said tomorrow is another day, but what I did that day, I still do the day after.

I can only remember who I was before. I can only hear voices. Voices that was once uttered in accolade but was never heard by me again.

I have wasted a lot of years. I look at the mirror and I see that I am already old. I am no longer that proud young man who once stood tall. All I am now is a remnant of a person no longer recognized. A fossil, even.

I have many people to blame for my misfortune. But in the end, I know that I am the only one responsible to the path where I led my life into. I was my own executioner.

I don't want to be this anymore.

I want to break free and escape where I am imprisoned right now. Even if I have to chew each one of the iron bars that locks me in right now, I will do it. After that, I will run as fast as I can, like a mad convict running away from the sanitarium.

And I will return. Mighty as was before. But this time, I'll stick my middle finger and give a fuck you sign to the world.

You can't get me. You will not get me anymore.

Time to Move On

I think it's too long already.

I have been miserable for so long. It's been a long time and I haven't picked myself up from the mud where I was. All I am holding is an empty promise of a person too far and too proud to look back.

Where was I all this time?

I made myself believe that all will be alright in the end. I doubted it, but I still held on to it. I was like a drug-dependent fool, looking for my daily downer hoping all the days will go on fast forward until that day she comes back.

You don't know me, but I was mighty before. But with her, I soared higher. But little did I know that a drop from an altitude that high can incapacitate you or even kill you. Since I was thrown away like a butt of cigarette from a height that high, my life took a sudden stop. Stopped, because I believed it was all a nightmare, and I will be waking up soon finding everything is alright and happy as it was before.

But I never woke up for this is reality.

I came to accept where and what I am now. But most important, I came to accept why I am now.

And now, I see the sun shine on me again. This time however, it was real sunshine.

I know I am awake now. It's time for me to move on. How the mighty has fallen. How the mighty will rise up again.

Deposuit potentes. Exsurrecit potentes.

SSS, BIR and their evil stepbrother, NBI.

One of the ardous task of going to work on a new place is completing your pre-employment requirements. And since more than half of those requirements are processed via government offices, expect that you're on a one-way ride to hell.

My theory is, companies makes you transact with government offices, not really to obtain vital information and documents, but that is your initiation rite to their company. You think hazing in college is the bomb? Try completing your SSS, BIR and other stuff. Paddles are like cotton candies compared against transacting business with a government office.

Also for your employers, making you go to that hell and beyond will make you stay in their company for the longest time just to avoid interacting with those government offices again. And besides, if you went through all of that and survived, you must be made of steel, again, a gauge that companies can know that they can abuse your limits.

It is sad to know that your monthly salary is massacred in half due to many government mandated thing-a-majigs. I'm not really against it, but heck, it's a lot of money off my paycheck, at least I should see my taxes and other contributions work for me, right?

But noooo sir. Seeing the dismal state of those offices and the kind of atrocious service they provide? They are not even worth a nickel off my hard worked paycheck.

***

Special mention is the NBI clearance. i know, it is an invaluable tool in determining whether an applicant was a past felon or something. But then again, don't you guys feel the thing is reversed? You getting an NBI clearance is a way you proving your innocence on any charge. But if I'm not mistaken it says in the constitution that there is a principle that says "everyone is innocent until proven guilty." So, me asked to obtain an NBI clearance means I still have to prove that I'm innocent against any charge. I hate being in a society where I am assumed guilty and I have to prove my innocence.

***
Anyway, I still need to line-up again for my SSS number. This might take a year. Gotta go.

Not Having Someone Special

I'm back working on graveyard shifts again.

This time, however, I work near where I live compared where I was before. The ambiance of where I work at is a welcome change too. I feel that I am working in Disneyland whenever I go to the office. Heck, I'm talking to Americans anyway, so why can't my company make me believe I work exactly there, right?

Anyway, what I like most with my company right now is that you own your cubicle. It's yours for a long period of time unlike my previous place of work where I feel like all the agents are playing "trip to jerusalem" just to get a seat. You can decorate your space with pictures of your friends, family, and of course, your special someone.

Now that's where my problem lies right now, I do not have someone special right now. To tell you honestly, I feel envious of the other agents who has pictures of their wives, husbands, girlfriends or boyfriends in their spaces. All of the pictures are sweet. It's really a wonder why the office isn't infested with ants yet.

Should I put the picture of my ex-girlfriend on my cubicle? That would be nice. I would remember and reminisce the good times that we shared. The times that I could really tell that it was the best times of my life. Truthfully speaking at this point, with her I experienced the best times of my life.

However, a picture of her in my space would also remind me of the pain I went through. Broken promises, selfish wishes and painful experiences. A picture of her would remind me the explanation why I am the miserable person I am today. A picture of her would tell a story of a love lost and looks like never to be found again.

Anyway, I envy those guys who has their someone special looking at them from the monitor screen. I think I'll just settle with Catherine Zeta-Jones' picture.

Swapping Tonsils

Ladies and Gentlemen, good day.

I have a prepared statement that I want to read to all of you. I have prepared it together with my attorney. I would like to thank my attorney because he is generous enough to be with me right now despite his hectic schedule as a cheap notary public with a desk and a typewriter somewhere outside DFA.

By now, you might have seen it on the web or received a copy in your email an alleged picture of Heart Evangelista french kissing an unidentified male in a bar at Makati.

With deep regrets I would like to say that I admit, I am the male person on that picture. I admit that it is a lapse on judgement on my part why I did that terrible mistake (of being caught anyway). How am I supposed to know that there was an asshole with a cameraphone trained at us that night? And I know you heard this excuse somewhere before, but heck, everybody's using that excuse, Clinton got away with that flimsy excuse and so was Gloria, so why can't I?

Anyway, I regret having done that (you think?!?!). I know I have caused such great pain to many people. Especially the majority of male Filipinos who has a sickly kind of fetish with Heart. Haha, die in envy, ...errr,eherm, sorry.

I would also like to say sorry to my girlfriend who was very loyal and bedazzled to me. I know she had sleepless nights because of this scandal and the amount of pain due to the betrayal, shock... er, wait I just remember. I dont have a girlfriend.

Also, I'm apologizing to the priests who have raised me for what I am now. Yes, I was an altar boy since birth and the only bad thing I did from recent memory was to say "Shit" infront of the Bishop... during mass. But dear Fathers, you must understand that it was you who taught me that you should receive all blessings with open hands and to resist it is a sin. And I thought swapping tonsils with Heart was a blessing. Haven't you heard the term, "blessing in disguise?"

Lastly, to all my countrymen, I'm sorry. I tickled your insatiable appetite to be voyeurs and eavesdroppers once again. I have put another burden in your shoulders as if you dont have other more pressing and urgent problems to think about, say, hunger and poverty and unemployment? I know you can't resist minding other's own businesses, and here I am handing it to you on a silver platter. Darn, you listen to private phone calls and now taking pictures and videos of things that are-none-of-your-business? They say you can easily spot a Filipino in Italy. How? Look for a couple that is french kissing on a park, or say, a subway. Whoever looks and stares at the couple is surely to be a Filipino.

Again, I am so sorry for all this trouble. Good day (End of statement)

Eating my words (with catsup)

I don't feel like writing anything about what's happening right now. Nothing's new anyway. Truth commission? As what old Bud Shakespeare wrote: "A rose called by any other name would smell just as sweet." In other words, different name, same shit. Nothing new really folks.

Amyway, I'm eating my words right now and it doesn't taste good.

Two months ago, I exclaimed the sweetness of freedom by resigning from my graveyard shift work in a contact center. I preached about freedom from it and looking forward on working on a job that coincides with sunlight.

Guess what, looks like I'll be working again on a graveyard shift. Nyahaha. So much for my yapping.

Yeah, I'm disappointed. Not because I find the job offensive. My 8 months with my former contact center is really a treat for me. I have big respect for people inside the industry and I could really say that the job is really not for the faint of heart.

It's just because I miss smelling the flowers.

Anyway, I think I'll be back to my routine of waking up 6PM and NOT 6AM. Damn time zones.

Anyway, I'm eating my words now. Please pass the catsup.


************

I was listening to Yes FM 101.9 (not because I wanted to... the FX driver had me and other passengers hostaged) and I heard a familiar tune.

Hey, isn't that the intro of the OST of "My Sassy Girl?"

Wow. (if you don't know, I am a "My Sassy Girl" fanatic.)

Then the nightmare came. It was in tagalog. The damn song was tagalized!!!Goddamnit. Damn you Jimmy Bondoc! Damn yooouuuu!!!! I'll shove your damn guitar up your ass!
Waaaahhhh!

Announcement : I will be the Next President (Part II)

This is already the part II of some crap I am writing about. To understand more what the hell I am talking about, read this first : Announcement : I will be the Next President (Part I)

***

Okay, going back to what we are talking about.

I watched on TV how the July 13 rally at Ayala went. The organizers, hyped up on announcing that particular rally, almost fell short on promising that the rally would be the greatest show on earth.

80,000 people. Not bad. But compared to the 4,000,000 on EDSA II, I guess that particular rally lacked in numbers compared to the latter. Of course, to cover up the disappointment on the dismal number of people, they said that the rally, was just a dress rehearsal for a bigger rally in the future. Okay. So if I got that right, there's more to come.

Now, I am not against rallies because I myself am a veteran of those things. I went to the streets during the anti-Iraq war rallies and I even spoke at rallies. However, what makes me not participate in this one is that the stench of personal politics is so thick that you can gag to death. The present crisis has become an orgy of political personalities whose interest in power are so obvious.

During the July 13th rally I saw Rep. Imee Marcos -Manotoc shaking hands with Rep. Satur Ocampo of Bayan Muna Partylist and Rep. Butz Aquino of Makati... Wait a minute...Isn't Imee the daughter of the dictator who imprisoned Ocampo and killed Ninoy whose brother is Butz? Okay, I am for reconcilliation and forgiveness, no doubt, but was the issue with the three of them and the Philippine nation really settled? I think that particular episode of our country was not yet settled, and by God it was already more than 20 years!

And wait... isn't that Mayor JV Ejercito of San Juan talking to Rep. Teddy Casiño of Bayan Muna Partylist?... Hey, wasn't it just 3 years ago that Rep. Casiño fought his ass off taking President Joseph Estrada out of office, who is eventually JV's father?

Again, I am not against forgiveness and reconcilliation. But forgiveness without justice is foolish. The Marcos and Estrada episodes are not yet done. We Filipinos are still waiting for its justice, and here they are having a picnic in Ayala Ave because they have something new to protest about.

So, if that is the case and let's just say theoretically that President Arroyo would be booted out of office because of this. Do not be surprised if in the future, you see them all together with Mrs Arroyo in Ayala Ave, because they are now united in belief and are now reconciled for the greater good of the nation. Baloney.

This has to stop. That is why I'll be taking over the presidency. I'll deport all of them to Venus.

Guess what, there's Part III.

Announcement :I will be the Next President (Part I)

I feel like I'm having a blog for the first time all over again. I'm so excited to post and I edit the lay-out of this thing every four hours. Geez, talk about a doting parent.

Anyway...

It seems everyone has his or her own opinion about the recent Hello Garci hoopla that life would seem not to go on without ANC, ABS-CBN 2 and GMA 7. From angry and fuming widows to senile and retarded, err.. I mean retired Generals we see that this national circus is now becoming the hottest box-office hit to invade the Philippines. It seems that the country doesn't really need FPJ at all. PGMA can do all the cinematics single-handedly.

We say that we are tired of these things already. We claim "People Power" fatigue has gotten the best of us. That is plain hypocrisy. How can we say that we are all over these things if our country is now in suspended animation due to these things. If we are really over it, should we be getting on with our normal daily lives and ignore these things since, "we are tired of all these?" Let's admit it. We are addicted peeping Toms with harsh withdrawal symptoms. We devour everything on TV, radio and print. Fatigue? We are people power junkies.

Like a highly charged soap opera, we know what everybody on each camp wants. We know what the the president wants, we know Susan Roces-Poe wants, we know what Francis Escudero wants, (the long list starts here...the long list ends here), and heck, we even know what Rez Cortez wants! But the question is... do they know what we want? Of course, what we want will differ from one another but nonetheless, they should know it, one by one, citizen by citizen. If we know what they want, they should know ours. Don't you think?

An opposition personality was asked on TV what's their plan should the president resign, obviously, he answered it with such zest and gusto. The thing is, what gives them the right to decide what's next? There are other personalities and groups involved in these episode too. What gave their group the authority to divide the spoils amongst themselves? And heck, what gave them that right that should be ours also?

I don't know about you guys, but this time I'll get my piece of the pie. Friends, welcome in witnessing my bid to become the next president of the Philippines, or what is to be the remains of it. Sorry, Cong. Escudero, this is what I want. I heard you but now, hear me out.

Of course dear reader, you have your wants too. You can aspire to be the next president of the Philippines also if you wanted to, but of course, write it on your own blog. This is my blog. But you are very welcome if you want to join my cabinet. The screening process is first-come, first-serve basis and please bring your 2x2 together with your complete resume.

However, some of the cabinet posts are already reserved to some people that I want to extend the offer to, more on that next time. You have to visit my blog for Part II. Haha.

(To be continued...)

I am back. I am risen. Hallelujah.

God, it's been a long hiatus for me.

I've been busy with my work and since I took graveyard shifts, I was not able to update my blog. Heck, I even came to the point that I forgot that I have a blog.

I quitted my contact center job (together with its hefty salary, sob.) because of fear that I might grow bat-like wings and fly to work instead of riding the bus. It's been a good run for me on my former job, but there are things I miss much and would like to get back at (like waking up at 6am instead of 6pm).

I miss blogging the most. But more than that, the friends I met while I was blogging. When I was on the process of "quietly" rebuilding my blog. I took quick peeks at other blogs listed on my blog roll. Some of them are still there, thank God, but some of them took a long vacation too. It 's sad that when you click a link it brings you to a page that say "Page cannot be displayed."

But I am back from outer space and hoping that others too will be back. I am looking for a job again, this time preferrably a job that coincides with a sun shining on the sky. I am waiting for a call from a local FM radio station and I'm praying twice to get that gig.

Anyway, nice talking to you. Will talk with you again often.


***

PS (July 11): Thank you Ayeza for giving me the code of the whiteband campaign. Not only did I put advocacy on my site, I learned much from it.

Tsk. A child dies every 3 seconds because of poverty. We should learn more. Wear your white band today.